Missional living 102: How do I do this in my world?

It is astonishing to hear the word, Incarnation.

Consider that God came and put skin on to live and hang out with us--and rescue us...that's pretty astonishing. To think that Jesus chose to not only come and live with us, but to choose to be utterly poor, and spend time with not only those in power, but actually choose to be with those no one else would, is encouraging. To see Him take our punishment on the cross because He loves us that much, astounding. To realize that Jesus accomplished the rescue, and conquered death, and resurrected and offers us real life and hope and relationship with God by grace through faith, exciting.

Since God exists in community and deeply values relationship. Since God's rescue plan made it possible to have right relationship with Him again. Since God values people so much that He gave His own Son for us. Since Jesus lived and loved us, and when He left sent the Holy Spirit to live within us. Since God tells us that at the end of all time He is coming to live with us. Don'tcha think that when Jesus commissioned us to go and make disciple's that we should probably follow His lead? This would lead me to the simple conclusion that "Ministry occurs in the context of relationship."

If that is the case why is so much of the ministry that we are doing in and through our churches focused on programming, and not on building relationships with people? I don't think that there is necessarily anything wrong with a program as long as it is helping to develop intentional relationships with folks, and I am sure that there are some that are doing this. Unfortunately, if an honest assessment were done in light of building genuine, intentional, authentic relationships with folks that we are discipling; I think that we would fall far from hitting our target.

Why is this?

There is so much cannon fodder aimed at the church in this question, but is this the final answer? I have to believe that the church loves Jesus, and wants to share the gift of the Gospel with others--Yes, there are some who aren't on this page--but I would wager that many truly love Jesus, and wish to share His gift in their worlds.

So, what's going on?

Allow me to share a story to help here.

I was a student ministry pastor at a church and we had just got done talking about inviting friends to church, and lo and behold, some came. The leaders greeted the friends and welcomed the three girls to join us. Then, to my horror, our students walked off to clump up in their groups and ignore them. Leaders walked the new girls around introducing them to the students, and yet they were still ignored. This went on for 3 weeks--and finally, the last of the brave 3 friends came to me and said that she was leaving. "The leaders had been kind, but none of the students wanted to talk with her." This most poignantly evidenced by the fact that she was sitting in section in our church sanctuary alone.

It's times like this that I need a couple of good football lovin' friends to sit on me so I don't hurt someone. I was furious. I sat the students in the youth ministry down, and began to question their sanity. Didn't we just get through talking about inviting our friends to church? What was the issue--how could you hurt these three girls so deeply? They weren't coming back. Do you know how our actions reflect Jesus to their lives? What's the deal?

With heads hung low, and genuinely sad, they quietly said something that changed me since that day. This is what they told me.

"We don't know how to make a friend."

They had been brought up in a world that gave them social associations by the activities that they were in, they spent hours communicating over social media, and connecting with the other students who played sports, did music, or were in club with them; but, they didn't know how to make a friend.

Which led me to realize how lonely they were, and in our culture, how lonely we really are.

Could it be that one of the reasons that we struggle to take the Gospel to others is that we don't know how to make friends, and we are desperately lonely in that?